More coffee, master?
Uh, no, thanks. No.
How long have you been making coffee anyway?
Oh, about 2000 years.
Hm.
Nobody is perfect.
Oh, there's the mailman. Yeah, I...
I will get it.
Uh...
Here is one marked,
"Open carefully. Personal. Very private."
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I wonder who that could be from.
There's nothing in here.
It says, "Dear occupant,
"here is your lucky do-or-die sweepstakes number.
You may already have won a trip to sunny Spain."
Oh, would you like to win, master?
No, I've already been to sunny Spain.
Oh. It rained.
Oh, here's a letter from your mother.
No kidding, third one this week.
Poor thing, she worries about you.
Yeah, I know.
It's getting to be a hobby of hers.
"Dear Anthony, I just heard on the radio
"they're having a cold spell in Florida.
I hope you don't have a drafty capsule."
Oh, that's sweet.
You must write her and tell her that you are well.
Yeah, listen to this.
"I-I hope you don't have a drafty cap...
"Why can't you be an astronaut up here in Bridgeport
where you can eat lunch at home?"
Oh, she misses you, master.
Listen to this. "Under separate cover..."
Oh, um, "Under separate cover.
"I am sending vitamin pills, uh, gelatin pills,
"and a few minerals I had lying around the house.
"Your loving mother.
P.S. Bridgeport is lovely this time of year."
Aw.
Would you mind, please?
Thanks.
Surprise!
Mom.
Well...
Well, what are you doing here?
Oh, I was just passing by.
I got lonely.
Oh, well. Well...
You're just passing by.
Well, Bridgeport is a thousand miles from here, Mom.
Oh, do you think it's right for a mother
to be separated from her son by a thousand miles?
Let me look at you.
You look terrible.
That service haircut, and you look so thin.
Well, I brought everything for you.
Yeah?
Uh, organically grown food.
Herbs...
I-I thought you said you were sending this
under a separate cover.
Separate cover decided to deliver.
Oh, I worry about you, Anthony.
But no more.
If the mountain won't come to Mohammed,
then Mohammed comes to the mountain.
That mountain's gonna get crowded, Ma.
And I'm here.
Good.
To stay.
Wonderful.
Permanently.
P-permanently?
You know, Mohammed is kidding.
Mother, I really would love to have you stay,
but I'm kind of short of room.
Oh, whenever did a mother need room?
Oh, this place is a mess.
But as soon as I unpack, I'll clean it up.
Oh, it's a lovely house, Anthony.
But it certainly needs a woman's touch.
Hm.
Looks as if it hadn't been dusted for a year.
Yeah, well, Mother,
there's no reason for you to bother with that.
Why don't you act like a guest?
Oh, whoever heard of a mother as a guest?
Yes, well...
Oh-ho.
Dust, dust, dust.
You are a typical bachelor, Anthony.
Sloppy.
I'll just unpack.
See the dust?
Well, you certainly have a cool ocean breeze.
I think it's the beginning of Hurricane Jeannie.
You could catch cold. Look.
Huh? Where? Over there.
What is it?
Oh, that poor little plant, it's dying.
Dying just like a dog.
Well, it's lucky I got here on time.
Yeah.
And no more hurricanes, you understand?
Yes, master.
But there was no dust.
Shhh.
To a mother, there was dust.
Yes, master.
We have to make her as comfortable as possible
while she's here.
Where do you keep the vacuum cleaner?
I vacuumed it myself this morning!
Shh! Jeannie, please.
Uh, don't bother, Mother.
Look, all we have to do
is convince her that I'm well cared for,
and she'll go home.
Ha. That is impossible.
Your house is too dirty,
your hair is too short, you are too thin.
Yeah, look, she's my mother.
Let's just humor her while she's here, hm? Okay?
Yes, master.
I can't... I can't...
Oh, she would love that.
Would you please come get me out of this quickly?
Oh, but you look so much better.
Get me out of this...
Come on. I mean it.
That's better. That's much better.
Now, you. Go, go on, get out.
Oh. Please?
Anthony, I'm going to get us a little lunch.
Oh. Ah.
How can anyone live just on ice cubes?
Just lucky, I guess.
It's amazing you haven't starved to death
without me to look after you.
No bread.
No fruit.
Sorry, Mom.
No vegetables.
Mom, I... I've already set the table.
We can have lunch.
Oh!
You had it set in.
Yes.
Well, it's cold.
A man should have a hot meal in the middle of the day.
Mustard?
Thank you.
Oh, that'll be fine.
Mother, I wish you'd let me take the couch
and you take my bed.
I wouldn't dream of it.
But I want you to be comfortable.
A mother doesn't have to be comfortable.
Well, then be uncomfortable in my bed.
I'll be uncomfortable in the way I want to be uncomfortable.
Okay, but you call me if you change your mind, Mom.
Yes, dear. Good night.
Good night.
Now you get to bed.
An astronaut needs his sleep.
Okay, Mom.
Oh, my.
I shall sleep tight tonight.
Anthony!
What is it? What is it, Ma?
There is a door under my sheet.
A door?
Oh, you sweet boy.
You remembered about your mother's bad back.
So thoughtful of you.
You remembered that I always slept on a board.
How could I forget?
Oh, there aren't many sons
who would think of a door for their mother's bed.
No, not many, Ma.
There.
Let me help you.
Now, I shall sleep tight tonight.
Nothing's going to wake me now.
Good. Oh, here.
Ah. Thank you, dear.
Good night.
Ma? Mom?
Ma?
Oh, Anthony?
What is it, dear?
Do you want something to eat?
No.
What was that racket?
I was dreaming.
What a dream I had.
We were in Bridgeport, right in the main street.
And they were giving you a parade.
Oh, it was beautiful.
Ticker tape, trumpets, drums, cymbals.
Boom!
I thought I heard a... A cannon.
Imagine, a parade for my son.
Anthony the Astronaut.
Tony the Tired.
Oh, dear, why, of course you are after all that excitement.
Now, you go right back to sleep.
Okay. Good night, Ma.
Sweet dreams. Good night.
Sleep tight. Yeah.
Why aren't you married?
What?
I-I brought some things, um, for you to see.
Do you remember Daphne?
Daphne? Yes.
She was the athletic one.
Oh, you used to canter off into the woods together.
Do you remember?
Well, not at 3:00 in the morning I don't, Mom.
Or perhaps it's Eleanor you remember.
Eleanor.
With the adorable freckles.
Freckles. Don't you remember her?
Yes, she always wanted to be a nurse.
Oh, what a beauty.
Mom, I really gotta get some sleep, come on.
I'll bet it's Eleanor you remember.
We'll talk about it in the morning.
Good night.
How many times have I told you
not to come in here without knocking?
What is it?
Oh.
Uh, nothing.
Good night, darling.
W-what's the matter with you?
I have a mother-in-law problem.
You can't have a mother-in-law problem.
We're not married. I gotta get some sleep.
How long is she going to stay?
I don't know. I think she's moved in.
Well, I do not think there's room enough
for all of us here.
Let me worry about this.
You got plenty of room in your bottle.
Just go pop in.
I gotta get some sleep. I'm exhausted.
Very well.
What the...?
Doctor, it's so nice of you to drop in to see me.
Not all, Mrs. Nelson,
I've been looking forward to meeting Tony's mother.
Oh, thank you.
I've been so worried about Tony.
So have I.
And frankly, I'm relieved that you're here.
Are you?
I've known your son for some time now
and I feel that he could use a sort of sober helping hand.
You mean a mother's hand?
Yes. And you're so beautifully normal.
Yes, I'm just as normal as Anthony is.
Oh, he's such a darling.
Do you know, last night he had me sleeping on a door?
He had you sleep on a door?
He is so thoughtful.
Oh, of course, he's just an average son.
I'm just an average mother.
I'd like to be an average grandmother.
Oh, I'm sure that will come in time.
He needs some nice girl
who would look after him properly.
He can't go on living in this dust bowl.
I think...
it's getting a little misty in here.
Perhaps if I... If I close the windows?
Oh, uh, they're closed.
Would you have an apricot cookie?
Oh, yes, thank you.
I, uh... I can't see them.
I made them myself this morning.
Where are they?
You know, if it wasn't for me
Anthony would never have a home-cooked meal.
The last time I was in a fog like this
was at sea on the Atlantic.
Oh, really?
Did you have a nice crossing?
We were afraid of hitting an iceberg.
We never have fogs like this in Bridgeport.
I've never heard of a fog inside a house.
Neither have I.
Isn't it splendid?
Splendid? You don't mind it?
Oh, not at all.
Don't you know?
It's marvelous for the complexion.
Yes, well, I think I'll be running along.
So soon?
Well, yes, I'm afraid so.
Let me get you a hot cup of tea.
You know, I wanted to discuss Anthony with you.
Oh, what was that?
Sounded like a foghorn.
In the living room?
Oh, doctor.
You backed into the teapot.
Oh, excuse me, I, uh...
Perhaps you could, uh, steer me in the right direction.
Oh, certainly.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, here we are.
I do hope you'll come again on a clear day.
Yes, another time, yes,
when I've consulted my barometer first.
Oh. Oh.
Ooh! Whoa!
Oh, I'm sorry you don't like fog.
Well...
Oh!
Well, I've never been crazy about it.
Oh, uh, excuse me, I had a hat, Mrs. Nelson.
I'll get it.
Yeah, right over there.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I don't understand.
It's sunny.
There's no fog out there.
Now, now, doctor.
It's best not to get emotional about the weather.
Yes.
Good day.
Psychiatrists.
Always something a little peculiar.
Oh, hi, Ma. Smells great.
I'm cooking all of your favorite dishes.
Just as I did when you were a little boy.
Oh, well, I don't want you to go to all this trouble.
I'll take you out for dinner.
Out?
Oh, you don't like my fried chicken.
And apple dumplings.
Oh, no...
With plenty of sugar and spice.
I love it, I do. It's just that...
Oh!
You'd like to get out of the house?
Yeah, I sure would, yeah.
All right. We'll take it with us.
Take it where?
To the beach.
We'll have a picnic.
Okay, sure, just the two of us, huh?
That's a wonderful idea.
I can't go out of the house with my hair like this.
Well, it looks fine.
It's a mess. No.
Give me a mirror.
Well, Mom, I can't get you...
Oh, here.
Why, it looks as if I have sequins over my eyebrows.
Yes, well, that's the atmospheric conditions
combined with the kreptactic light sequentials.
Kreptactic light sequentials.
Isn't science wonderful?
It's nice.
Yeah, it looks fine.
You know, Anthony?
There's something about the Cocoa Beach climate
that is amazing.
Yeah, it's enough to curl your hair.
More chicken, Anthony?
Oh, Mom, I couldn't.
Oh, you've scarcely eaten anything.
Four pieces of chicken, a half pound of potato salad
and three apple dumplings?
It's getting a little chilly.
Why don't you put on your jacket, dear?
No, I'm not cold, Ma.
Oh, you need some nice girl to look after you.
Some nice, old-fashioned girl.
Oh, I had the most marvelous dream last night.
I dreamt that you met the perfect girl.
She was blond and beautiful.
She could cook, she could sew and bright.
She wore thick glasses.
You could see that she was fond of children.
And what a sense of humor.
Well, Ma, you can't take dreams too seriously.
There she is.
That's the girl.
Isn't she lovely?
Yeah.
Cooks, sews and is intelligent.
I beg your pardon, miss.
But would you tell me where you are from?
Bridgeport.
Anthony, did you hear that?
May I see your left hand?
You aren't married.
Tell me you aren't married.
I can tell you, she's not married.
Oh, my.
Do I have an astronaut for you.
Are you sure you don't wanna stay
for just a few more days, Ma?
Oh, now that you have met Jeannie,
I feel that I can leave you alone.
She'll take very good care of you.
Oh, I will take very good care of him.
Well, I don't see why you have to just rush off, you know.
Oh, I was going to keep it for a secret.
But this morning, I received
a special delivery letter from Bridgeport.
I won the do-or-die sweepstakes.
Oh.
A free trip to sunny Spain.
Yeah.
Isn't that exciting?
Yeah.
I've never been to Spain.
I just can't wait.
It's gonna be wonderful for you, Mother.
Major Nelson.
Ah-ah! Not here.
Oh, well, I will go upstairs
and see if you left anything there.
Yeah, I'll go with you.
Oh, Major Nelson.
Come in, doctor.
Ah.
Oh, well, hello, Mrs. Nelson.
Forgive me for barging in like this,
but I, uh... I heard you were leaving,
and I just want another chance to exam...
I mean, to wish you bon voyage.
Oh, how kind of you, doctor. Thank you.
Uh, doctor, I must tell you.
Anthony has found the most wonderful girl.
Nothing serious, I hope.
What do you mean?
Well, uh, forgive me, but in my opinion,
your son is not ready for marriage.
Oh, I almost forgot.
I brought you some flowers for your trip, Mrs. Nelson.
Oh, how thoughtful.
I, uh... How delightful.
I hope they match your dress.
I always... How wonderful.
Onions.
Onions?
Scallions.
Oh, how thoughtful.
I saw them put carnations in the box.
I smelled the carnations.
Did you?
Yes.
Oh, uh, excuse me.
There's something about this house.
I must be going.
It's happening again.